On runs and the Trotts

The addition to the England squad of Jonathon Trott is yet further evidence that the selectors are reluctant to relinquish the Empire.

If the 4th test goes against them, I fully expect to see the names of Jacques Kallis, Ishant Sharma and Chris Gayle on the team sheet for the oval. Maybe even a recall for Basil D’Oliveira. England have certainly missed a few dollies this year!

Trott, well know for smashing boundaries almost as much as he smashes dressing room furniture( http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/cricket/international/theashes/5972354/The-Ashes-Jonathan-Trott-comes-of-age-to-win-England-recall.html), will assume an Andy Murray like role in the hearts of the fans. Should he show true grit, he will of course become a true Brit; if not, he will be cast out as an impudent foreigner.
He may not get a game – he is nominally in the squad as cover for Freddie, a sort of cricketing duvet.

Can England win without Freddie and KP? The Lions won without all their stars, so maybe. The Aussies are on the back foot – evident as their psychobabble between matches now includes such earnest claims as “we hope Freddie is fit – we want to beat their best side” from Marcus North.

But we need a wicket taker. Harmie? – maybe. Sidebottom? perhaps. Onions, Broad? No. Honest county toilers. Broad may yet surprise us, and revert to the batting role which started him in cricket, becoming a sort of Kallis like 5th seamer. Onions, for all he looks like Mike Hendrick, is not of the same quality. Anderson and Swan (and Rudi Koertzen) are our best hopes – who’d have thought it?

With the forecast for Headingly looking reassuringly poor, and the Oval wicket producing as many runs as a Delhi curry this year, England may have done enough. Ponting and co will battle to the end, but sometimes the sporting script runs against battlers.

On KP

No Pietersen for the rest of the Ashes? Well nuts to you, KP, I say. We can do it without you.

The great British mentality will prevail. “We few, we happy few”, as Ian Bell said, talking to his runs. The Ockers are in disarray. We hold the whip hand, we are in the Bocks seat – mind you, they lost at home recently to the Aussies so that’s no advantage.

So who should step up and replace the former badger haired Kevin? And should Bopara stay? After all, centuries against the West Indies are a bit like passports for Poles - a formality these days.

There is a man who could do it. He is a great batsman, in form and no stranger to the Ashes. So what if he blubs like a baby whenever he sees a sign saying Heathrow next left?

I am speaking, of course, of none other than Marcus Trescothick. The selectors should go down on bended knee to him (which might also take his mind off his homesickness) and beg him to play in the final three tests. He’s got more class than a state school teacher, that boy, and can easily bat at 3.

This is the Ashes, a cauldron of fire and brimstone. There’s no place for wet behind the ears tyros like Moore or Denley. Ramps never cut it as this level, and we all know Key and Shah are not of the highest calibre.

No, Tresco is the man, and he must be selected. Number One Sports Fan has spoken.