On the solution to rugby's woes

For saturday's clash at Twickers, England recalled several of their World Cup winners. How New Zealand would have loved to do the same. But they are all retired now.

Nevertheless, the motley collection of Fijians, Samoans, Cook Islanders and a few token south island farmers duly rolled over what has to be said is a diabolical England outfit. Imagine what France would have done to them (or Scotland for that matter).

The Jocks brought off a famous victory north of the border, courtesy of a wayward Matt Giteau. One for the match fixing panel, methinks.

In Cardiff, a resurgent Wales dealt a body blow to Argentina. Finally we saw some open rugby, courtesy of the Welsh Wizard Shane Williams. When the likes of Adam Jones, Mike Phillips and Lee Byrne return, this could be a formidable outfit.

But overall the game looks in pretty poor shape. The laws are now so convoluted that pretty much everything, except forward passing and crooked feeding, is a penalty offence. Could it be that the SH was right in pushing the ELVs?

Having spent a fortune creating fans, in order to pay for professionalism, the money men must now be concerned that these new found slavish adherents of the game may prove fickle in their following and switch to cycling, table tennis or even Rugby League for their replica shirts next year.

Number One Sports fan has given the matter some serious consideration, and come up with a 5 point plan to ensure Union stays popular amongst the masses:

1. WAG Matches - as a precursor the main event, matches could be played between rival team WAGS. Games would be refereed by Gok Wan who would have the power to give penalties for fashion gaffes, and would award additional points for the use of high street clothing for team strips.

2. 3 a side leagues (based in India). 3 a side rugby will be fast and furious, with lots of open play, very few rucks, and high scores on both sides. Matches will last 2 minutes each way to ensure that an entire tournament can be played in a day. Suggested name - Rugby Threege.

3. Bring in celebrity guest players from other sports and fields - Tiger Woods, David Beckham, Tony Blair etc - each could play for a 10 minute period - as a replacement player when a sinbinning occurs. Each team would have one celebrity, and whenever a member of their side got yellow carded, rather than being down to 14 men, their celebsub comes on.

4. Make the value of tries 5 points multiplied by the number of metres run by the scorer in scoring the try - so if Shane Williams makes a break from behind his own line and dots down between the opposition posts, Wales get 5 x 104 =520 points for the try.

5. Legalise high tackles, tackling catchers who are airborne and allow unlimited use of boot and knee in the ruck - this could attract a whole new type of fan away from clubs like Milwall and Cardiff City.

I will be forwarding these ideas to the powers that be and expect to see them trialled in next years Super Duper 75