On Michael Jackson

It is a little know fact that, shortly before his tragic death, Michael Jackson, a keen amateur golfer, played high stakes match with Tiger Woods.

Standing on the first tee, and after a big night with Elizabeth Taylor, during which he had consumed numerous bottles of champagne, Jackson was feeling slightly the worse for wear, but, by virtue of having consumed 8 cans of Red Bull and a whole packet of max strength painkillers which he just happened to have about his person, he was in a reasonable state.

Woods was giving him a shot every hole, and Jacko, playing out of his skin, managed to shoot 17 pars to Tiger's 17 straight birdies to keep the match all square after 17.

On the 18th tee, just as Jacko was about to tee off, the sun burst from behind a cloud and a shaft of sunlight hit him between the eyes, causing him to shank the ball viciously into the deep rough.
By the time they found it, it had got dark, and despite the light of the moon, he was having real difficulty seeing the ball. A miraculous recovery saw him get to within lob wedge distance, but at this stage his hangover started to really kick in and he could manage no better than a one over par 5.

Woods duly holed his birdie putt to claim a famous victory.

Asked afterwards to what he attributed his last hole collapse, Jackson replied that he didn’t blame it on the sunshine, he didn’t blame it on the moonlight, he didn’t blame it on the good time, but he did blame it on the bogey.