The news that Tiger Woods may come out of hiding today to deliver the best man's speech at an old friends wedding has caused a media frenzy.
Number One Sports Fan imagines it might go something like this.......
Tiger arises, looking unshaved, wearing an old pair of Adidas trainers. Slurring lightly, he appears to have been drinking.
"Welcome everyone to the marriage of Byron, and the beautiful Eleanor" (winks knowingly at the bride)
" Today is the happiest day of their lives. Won't last, of course, as he becomes more intimate with her mood swings, pre menstrual tantrums and refusals to stop lunching and gossiping with Amy Mickelsen.
In fact (becoming maudlin) it's all downhill from here. (Byron nudges him sharply) But hey (perking up), maybe they'll make it. (takes a long swig of his wine).
I plan to return to competitive golf early in 2010, and let me just reassure you I am more focused than ever on winning major championships and (another sharp nudge from Byron)
Oh, yes, where was I, Byron and the gorgeous, sexy Eleanor (this time directs a pronounced leer at the bride who shifts uncomfortably in her seat) She's a real, number, Eleanor, a bit like my wife only bigger boobies and better in the ......(at this point a well aimed 5 iron whirls through the air, striking Tiger just above the left eyebrow. He slumps to the ground unconscious, as a heated argument breaks out between bride and groom).
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